


Oneirophobia

by LyssGreen



Series: Reed900 Stories [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: (It does get to fluff and kissing eventually), And Gavin isn't a total dick, Caffeine Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Gavin Reed has Issues, Go hug Gavin, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Nines - Freeform, Nines has feelings, Nines makes Gavin feel better, Or at least not for good reason, Past Abuse, Someone Give Gavin a Hug, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Whump, and cats - but thats unimportant, and past trauma, but I did it for the past abuse mentions, tbh this should be teen not mature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyssGreen/pseuds/LyssGreen
Summary: Oneirophobia - the fear of dreams.Gavin has had a pretty fucked up life by most peoples standards. Shitty upbringing led to shitty nightmares which led to shitty insomnia and caffeine addictions and trying desperately not to keep flashing back to those horrible memories. It's been a while since his last bad patch - so when it happens again it's the first time with Nines as his partner. And Nines refuses to let him just continue the tried and tested self destructive tendencies he's used to cope his whole life up until now. Gavin can't understand why Nines even cares - or why he's being so nice, and considerate, and touchy, and why he keeps frowning in that sad way. Hell, Gavin can almost convince himself that Nines actually cares.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to todays episode of "Projecting Your Own Issues Onto Fictional Characters", with me your host: Lyss!  
> Small note before you read, Gavin has issues - cause I have issues - that you'll see pretty friggin quickly in this fic. If I'm honest, idk what exactly those issues are and what exactly everything experienced is a symptom of - cause I don't even know that about myself! Yaay for issues!... anywho. Just a warning for issues including and not limited to; insomnia, nightmares, PTSD like symptoms, past physical abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms (cause who doesn't love them?), kinda sorta maybe reference to past sexual abuse (?) - if youre sensitive to that sort of thing theres like one line that you may view that way, cause it's how I saw it writing it but not everyone may - idk. I don't have a brain in a jar that I can ask to read my work and tell me how it construes a line - or at least not a brain in a jar that can talk. oh that was a bit of an eerie statement. I'll stop now - I'm a bit delirious lol.

Gavin Reed felt like every single fibre of his whole fucking being was currently out to get him, purposefully making his days oh so much more difficult. His right hand shakily held a cup of coffee, far too sweet and far too hot to be healthy to drink (he gulped it down anyway, ignoring the immediate burn of his taste buds being scalded), all while his left hand violently tapped out a repeating rhythm, blunt nails making resounding click noises against the desk. Each tap alternating between one of his fingers and then by his index finger. Index, middle, index, ring, index, little, index, little, index, middle. The pattern repeated constantly, he was pretty sure that it had been for hours now. Hell, maybe it was days. He didn't even know how many of these far too sweet, far too hot coffees he had had today. Honestly he wasn't even sure what day 'today' even was. 

He had been on edge for four days now, roughly, probably, (maybe it had been five days?). He knew the sequence by now, he knew the pattern. He knew that it, whatever it was would probably last for a few days longer still - and would keep going until he passed out as a result of his own exhaustion or until he found another way, either by alcohol or by a punch to the face in some seedy fucking bar. That's just how it went. He didn't even know what it was. He knew how it always started, and he knew that it had been that way since his early teens. And frankly, he didn't fucking care to know any more about it. He dealt with it, that was the end of that. 

And it started the way it usually did. Four (five?) days ago he'd bolted upright in bed, cold sweat dampening his skin and plastering hair to his forehead. His heart beating too damned fast, breath coming in short puffs, eyes darting around the room - desperate to find the danger he was sure would be there. The only physical danger in the room was the claws of a black cat which were now digging into his arm, a sharp reminder that he had disrupted her sleep, and he knew his other cat would be around somewhere causing mayhem as well. _Fucking furry pests_.

He never remembered what the nightmares were even about, just that after they happened he couldn't get back to sleep that night again - lest memories and images and terrors from the past all flashed in  front of his eyes at once as son as he began to drift to sleep, every single image morphed into one horrific scene with elements from each individual memory.

Gavin was vaguely aware that his leg had begun to bounce to the same rhythm as the one his fingers tapped out. His eyes burned, whether it was from looking at the bright white of the terminal screen for too many hours or from the exhaustion of five days awake pulling at his eyelids. He threw back the last dregs of what remained in his cup, desperate for the caffeine to kick him back into gear. He'd read the same paragraph in the case file on the screen in front of him at least three times at this point and he still wasn't absorbing any information. 

_Phck._

Everything about him felt too jittery, he mind was cycling the same thoughts and images round and round as it had been for days, he was too on edge - the sound of someone knocking something over somewhere in the room both startled him, making him jump and momentarily lose the beat he was counting in his head and tapping to, and immediately after startling him it made anger flare in him. Anger at the loud noise? Anger that he let it get to him? Fuck knows. 

He reached for his mug, again, after having read the same paragraph, again, and had it at his lips before he realised his mistake, the cup was already empty. 

"Phck!" He cursed aloud, pushing his chair back with more force than necessary. The exclamation gained Nines' attention, making him look away from his own screen directly opposite Gavin's own.  Blue eyes looked to Gavin, yellow light at his temple spinning, as Nines' cocked his head to the side slightly - a habit him and Conor both shared which made them look astoundingly like dogs. Gavin didn't really like dogs all that much. 

Having said that though, he didn't mind Nines' all that much. A fucking shocker, he was aware. He remembered kicking up a helluva fuss when Fowler had told him two months ago he was being assigned a partner for the first time in nearly two years. And the protesting became a threat of an all out punching when he was informed it was an android, Connor look-a-like. As it was, Nines wasn't as insufferable as his doppelganger. He had a biting wit and sharp tongue to rival Gavin's bitchiest days and always had some form of comeback. And somehow, he was attractive for it. Which was _so_ fucking wrong that Gavin had almost wanted to vomit the first time he had dreamt about Nines in _that_ way (one of the very rare _'good'_ dreams he ever got). 

"Have you passed out standing up, Detective Reed?" Nines' drawling tone, lower and different to Connor's voice (which probably shouldn't be possible should it? Was that just his imagination?), snapped Gavin out of his trance and he realised he must have been staring at Nines' face for longer than was exactly normal. "Am I required to call a medic of some form? Because I do not wish to complete the paper work should you keel over and hit your head off of a desk or something." 

Gavin felt his face contort into a vague sneer, as he attempted to ignore the fact that behind Nines words there was that downwards pull of his lips that indicated... _something_ \- an emotion Gavin didn't want to fucking see, "Fuck off, dipshit. I'm fucking fine. Fuck, I need more coffee." He snatched up his cup and turned on his heel sharply (too sharply, he felt his head swim - the effects of too long spent awake making themselves impossible to ignore) and stomped off towards the break room - ignoring Nines calling after him.

He tried his damndest not to make eye contact with anyone on the short walk to the break room before stopping in front of the coffee machine. He jabbed a sequence buttons, an action that was muscle memory at this point, in his own violent manner that made up his own personal prayer at his altar of caffeine. He stood staring at the dark, steaming liquid as it poured from the nozzle, the sight oddly hypnotising to his taxed mind. His left hand still beat out the same tempo, right foot tapping along, his teeth clacking against eachother and rattling to add to the silent rhythm. 

He didn't hear the approach of Nines behind him, too caught up in his own racing thoughts. The sudden weight of a hand being laid on his shoulder made Gavin jolt. His thoughts which had constantly been chanting ' _caution, caution, caution, there's danger, there's always a danger, be alert'_ suddenly spiked much louder. He spun fast, hand reaching for his gun, the other grabbing for the offending hand on his shoulder and tossing it away. 

He spun too fast. 

The action caused a dull throb in his head, and a blackness at the edge of his vision and he felt the world tilt beneath him. The hand that had grabbed at the hand on his shoulder to throw it away clawed forwards, looking for the very thing he had tossed away - desperate form some form of purchase to keep him upright. His hand found purchase as it fisted in the collar of the jacket infront of him. It was also unneeded. 

It took Gavin a full five seconds to pull his thoughts into a coherent enough state to realise that; a) the offender that sparked him into the state he was in was in fact Nines, b) he now had the collar of Nines jacket crushed in his palm tightly, blunt nails digging into fabric, and c) Nines had caught Gavin and prevented him from losing his balance. And his hands were still pressed firmly to Gavin's waist - a grounding anchor that kept his body upright. 

"Detective?" Nines still had a frown carved into his face, different to his resting bitch face frown - no this one had some form of meaning behind it but fuck if Gavin knew what. Fucking android was hard to read. His voice however pulled Gavin back to his senses for the second time. He pushed Nines back as soon as his sluggish reflexes caught up with his equally sluggish thought process. 

"The fuck, plastic, I told you I was getting more caffeine!" Gavin felt the familiar clawing of irritation and anger heating him up. Nines for his part seemed unphased. 

"If you had bothered to listen to me then you would know that I was attempting to talk to you before you so rudely walked away."

"Yeah, well, I didn't listen did I," Not one of his best retorts, admittedly, "So, fuck off!"

"Detective, I was trying to tell you that you should not consume any more coffee. I'm detecting increased heartrate and blood pressure and it would be inadvisable to-"

"If you're about to tell me not to drink more fucking caffeine then you can know that I sure as fuck am not gonna listen." Gavin cut off Nines speech, turning (a little gentler this time) back to the coffee machine and his cup which must be full by now. The movement was halted by a hand on his upper arm preventing him from turning fully.

"I must insist, Reed. It would seem that you have been awake for an extended period of time and continuing as you are may have negative- I mean that I- I am trying to say that you are hurting yourself - you will have problems sleeping tonight if you continue-." Nines LED cycled to red for a moment as he held Gavin in place. The light returned to amber relatively quickly but it refused to go to the calm blue Gavin was used to seeing. _Blue like his eyes, they match, I wonder if that was a design choice- Phck! Stop it!_ Gavin physically shook his head and jerked his arm away from Nines grasp. 

"Yeah, that's sort of the fucking point, Nines!" The heat of anger boiled below the surface as he realised that Nines was trying to care for him, to tell him how to look after himself. _I don't need to be cared for, I don't need help. Never have. Never will_. It brought back too many thoughts of the people who were meant to care for him when he was a child, memories of how they failed, how they actively caused harm. 

Suddenly feeling trapped with the coffee machine behind him, a wall to one side of him, and Nines directly in front of him, Gavin forced his way out and past Nines slightly taller frame - all while trying to ignore the frantic screaming in his thoughts of _'run, escape! You're trapped, get out, he'll hurt you like_ they _did!'_

 

* * *

 

As he stormed outside and into the cold February air, vaguely surprised to see that it was dark out (was it night time again, had another day passed?) he was unsure of whether the tenseness in his muscles and the fact he felt like a coiled spring was due to anger and irritation or anxiety and downright fear. He stalked around the building to the darker side of it, to a line of old metal bike stands that sat unused and frosted. He collapsed between them onto the cold ground, forcing air into and out of his lungs, uncaring for the fact that the ground was coated in a layer of white frost that would soak his clothes and drop his temperature. He was actually glad of that biting cold as it settled against his skin, numbing his ass and legs as the cold seeped into his skin. He hoped that the numbness would spread to his head and slow it down. 

Instead his mind continued to race. Flashes of shitty memories, with shitty peoples, in shitty places, with shitty foster parents, in shitty foster homes, his shitty foster father who lunged forward with a broken glass bottle in hand, the sight of the blood on the glass and on Gavin's own younger hands as the red liquid dripped from the gash on his face that marred his nose, there were other shitty wounds, red stains on clothes, bruises that were strategically placed so they were hidden by clothes, shit nights in bars where he'd gone looking for a fight at times like he was experiencing now where he just wanted something to ease the growing pressure inside of him, shit nights where he had let himself get too overwhelmed and hurt in those shit bars, shit experiences as he let those shit people get too close, let them take too much. 

He dragged a palm across his face, and then dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He felt so fucking tired - and yet not, too alert to be tired. He just wanted to sleep, and yet he didn't - sleeping brought shit memories back to the surface in a way he couldn't control. He wanted to rest but not to sleep. He wanted to continue his five day run of purposely wiring himself on caffeine, of smoking until the taste of tobacco made him sick, all of it to hurt himself. How fucked up was he that he wanted that? How long had be been that fucked in the head? He just wanted this shitty, bad patch to pass. 

Absently he let his finger tips run over the scar on his face that ran across his nose where it was most prominent and then further, almost to his jawline where it was more faded. He slumped forwards, head in his hands. The cold had at least taken away his constant need to fidget. 

"Gavin?" The voice that Gavin could easily place as Nines sounded quieter and softer than how it often did. It sounded more like how Nines sounded in Gavin's rare good dreams, dreams where Nines called him Gavin instead or just 'Detective' or Reed, those dreams where they- _No. Stop_.

Frost crunched audibly as Gavin heard Nines walk closer. He didn't bother to take his hands away from his eyes and watch Nines approach. He didn't even have the energy to react to how on edge he was. He felt as much as heard Nines kneel on the ground in front of him, legs touching Gavin's own outstretched leg and a hand came to rest on Gavin's other leg, the one drawn towards his chest - _Fuck Nines was handsy today_.

"Gavin," Nines voice was even softer this time, "It is late, our shift ended hours ago. I'll drive you to your apartment, you should get some rest there." Gavin swore for a second that through the numbness that had crept into his body he could feel Nines begin to move his thumb in soothing ministrations.

"I don't need to rest-" He skidded to a halt for a second as he processed what Nines had said, "Wait, what time is it? If its late then why are you even fucking here? You don't stay late unless there's a case - fuck knows what you need personal time for but-" He stopped talking abruptly, not sure what he wanted to say. There was a long pause as Nines seemed to wait to see if Gavin was going to keep talking. 

"I'm still here because you are still here, Gavin." Nines finally answered, voice low and level. That made Gavin pull his hands away from his eyes, blinking quickly to clear the blurriness. Nines was knelt on the ground, damp patches visibly appearing on his black jeans, his thumb really was rubbing slow circles against Gavin's knee, his LED was red and his face pulled into an expression of - pity? Pain? Fear? 

Gavin couldn't stop the sharp, humourless laugh that escaped him, _Nines is here for me - as if I'm worth that_. He wasn't sure when his spinning thoughts had changed from anxiety to depression. _I really am fucked in the head_. 

 He didn't reply in any way for what felt like hours. Maybe it was minutes? Perhaps just seconds? Time felt fucked up. Eventually Nines moved, taking his hand away from Gavin's leg - he almost broke his silence just to complain at the loss. Nines stood, unfolding long legs from beneath him, and brushing at the white frost that clung to his clothes. Gavin stopped himself from looking any higher and risking catching Nines eye, _he was being smart, Nines was being smart and leaving him alone_. A pale hand filled his vision suddenly, prompting him to actually look up to where Nines was stood over him, hand extended - an offer. He debated internally for a moment, he didn't want - didn't need - anyone's help. But it was Nines, Nines who featured in the only dreams that gave Gavin a reprieve from his usual dreams. He wanted to be selfish. Actually feel the subject of far too many dreams. 

He took the hand above him, allowing Nines to pull him upright.

And then promptly have to catch him as his head swam and vision darkened. When was the last time he'd had a meal that didn't consist of coffee and cigarettes and cheap candy from a vending machine? 

Nines refused to let go of Gavin as they walked to Gavin's car, keeping an arm tightly wound around Gavin's back and holding his waist. Gavin didn't protest, exhaustion suddenly having set in for some reason. Was it because he was cold? Was he cold? Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that Nines somehow had his car keys. It also didn't really matter, did it?  

Nines helped him into the beat up old car he'd had for years, before getting in the drivers seat and turning the key in the ignition, immediately reaching for the air con and turning the heat up full. Gavin knew he should probably tell Nines that there was no way it'd actually heat up before they got to his flat, the beat up hunk of metal being too old for that. He knew he should, but he also was effectively silenced by the warm weight of Nines left hand on Gavin's knee again. Maybe Nines being handsy wasn't so bad. 

Gavin could almost convince himself that Nines was being so nice because he cared, because there was something there between the two of them, because he mattered to Nines. He bit his tongue to stop himself from laughing bitterly at how deluded he must be. Instead he turned his head to look out the passengers side window as Nines drove him to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek. Its like 03:35AM, and I wanted to write something like this. I'll put up the second half tomorrow. This is entirely unbeta'd as you may be able to guess by the state of this and by the fact that its, you know, 3AM. I'll get to actual ship type things in that chapter. This was just a showcase of all of Gavin's (and a lot of my) issues tbh.  
> I really should have spent the time I spent on this working on my current fic buuut I didn't. Feel free to leave a comment if you are liking this (?), idk. this is likely trash.
> 
> Edit 06/10/18 - pretty sure I caught all the spelling mistakes and I'm about to write the next part rn - yeah I know, a week late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm v late with this - sorry.

“Gavin?”

Gavin jolted sharply in the passengers seat of his car, wincing as he hit his knee in the process. His eyes were heavy in a way he recognised as having been half asleep. Which honestly was so much fucking worse than being either awake or asleep. The fucking micro-sleep’s his body forced on him was far worse than the effects of being awake.

He must not have made any move to actually answer the android as Nines laid a hand on his leg, “Gavin, we’re at your apartment. You should rest, come on.” He’d known Nines long enough to realise that arguing with him wouldn’t go anywhere. Besides – the fuck else was he going to do? Sit in his car outside his apartment complex in the cold? Yeah, maybe not. He wasn’t that fucking mental.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going. See you at work tomorrow or some shit, plastic.” Gavin was halfway out the car before his thought process actually caught up with the events which were taking place, “Wait. This is my fucking car!” He ducked down to look into the car and glare as he spoke from where he stood outside.

“Correct, I can see you obtained your rank of detective for your astute powers of observation.” Nines replied flatly, getting out of the drivers side door and watching Gavin over the roof of the car.

“Then are you fucking walking to your place or what? You live fucking ages away?”

“I don’t believe I ever suggested I was going back to my residence, Detective.” He tilted his head ever so slightly and leant against the car as he regarded Gavin over the roof, “I intend on ensuring you rest.”

Gavin felt his brain stutter to a halt, not a difficult feat considering the speed he was processing information anyway. His thoughts, _fucking damn them_ , jumped to some _very_ interesting – _and totally fucking wrong_ – conclusions.

“How the fuck are you going to ‘ensure I rest’?” He spat the words out before he had taken the time to consider what he was saying.

“I suspect a hard hit to the head would work, however I may lose my badge – so if you have any other ideas please enlighten me.” Nines gave one of the small smiles that were the closest he came to outright grinning, but he hadn’t fully lost the softness that he’d been treating Gavin with before, “Now, would you care to lead the way? I fear you may pass out standing up if we continue this.”

“Lead the- You can’t just fucking stay at my apartment, Nines!” Gavin dragged a hand over his face, because, fuck, if he had to admit it Nines was right – there was every chance he may just pass out standing up soon. Apparently he had finally reached the point where anxiety, paranoia, caffeine and sugar could no longer keep him functioning. At least his weren’t racing or throwing him into a pit of self-deprecation now. No, now they were far too focused on ignoring the reasons that he didn’t want the android in his apartment for the night. Or was it the reasons he did want the android in his apartment? _Fuck, no. Stop_.

“You have been…unwell for a number of days now, Detective, and I am concerned for your wellbeing should you continue like this. Please, Gavin. You need to sleep.” That look in his blue eyes and the concerned frown pulling at Nines’ face was back, and fuck – Gavin really must have been too fucking tired if he really thought Nines had said that.

“Yeah, fuck, fine. Shit.” He rubbed at his gritty, itching eyes as he turned and walked to the elevator out of the underground parking complex. He heard Nines lock the car and follow behind, hyper aware of the sound of Nines stupid fucking dress shoes clicking with each step and reverberating in the parking structure.

_Nines hasn’t been to my place before has he? Shit, how have we worked together for two months without meeting here at least once? We’ve been to bars, Nines place, shit – everywhere but here._

_That would be because you have fantasised about fucking him before and him being at the apartment would make that oh so much closer to reality,_ a part of his brain that Gavin suddenly wanted to gouge out helpfully reminded him at the exact moment that they were forced into close proximity in the enclosed elevator. Made all the better by the fact that Gavin fucking hated elevators.  He felt himself begin to fidget again.

“Why live on the ninth floor if you have a fear of elevators, Detective?”

“Because I can afford the rent and fuck if I’m giving up this place. I don’t trust that I’d be able to even find another apartment, do you know how shit real estate is?” Gavin scoffed slightly, he looked over at Nines standing close beside him. Nines had that look in his eye that very obviously gave away the fact he was scanning. “We used to make jokes about that shit when I was a kid, eternally damned to scraping by renting and having worthless fucking qualifications. Funny, we were right.”

“Then perhaps the fact you have a job is testament to your expertise, detective.” The elevator pinged and the doors opened noisily, Nines stepped out first, “Now if you would only get some rest then perhaps you’d be able to focus at said job.”

“Prick.” He muttered as he followed the android, the android who shouldn’t actually know which apartment he lived in and yet was walking straight towards the correct door. He really shouldn’t be surprised anymore. Nines stopped infront of his door and waited until Gavin unlocked the door and they both entered the dark apartment.

Immediately they were greeted by a two-feline chorus of endless meowing. Despite his love for the cats, the noise was grating to Gavin’s tired ears and prompted a stab of pain at his temples. He raised his left hand to his head while slapping the wall attempting to find the light switch. Eventually the light turned on.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re hungry, hang on a minute – and please shut the fuck up.”

For what must have been like the millionth time today Gavin was prevented from walking away by Nines hand. He pulled back on Gavin’s upper arm just enough to prompt him to make eye contact.

“Go to bed immediately. I can feed your cats.”

“I can fucking look after this shit on my own you know, you don’t even need to be here.” Gavin wanted to be angry at the android sticking his nose in – he was always pissed when someone tried to look after him – but he couldn’t bring himself to lace any real venom into his words.

“Perhaps I want to be here, Gavin. Now sleep. I will be here should you require anything, and I shall try and prevent you’re felines from waking you too early in the morning –,” _Psychic fucking- how’d he know the cats wake me up?_  “I’ve heard you complain about them enough times, before you ask how I knew.” Gavin made no attempt to shrug out of Nines gentle grip as he spoke, Nines features softened, “Now please rest.” The android released his hold on Gavin and moved past Gavin into the apartment, the two cats nearby, one black and one grey tabby, followed Nines to the kitchen. The black cat weaved around Nines legs as soon as he came to a stop. _Traitors_.

 

* * *

 

Gavin lasted all of two hours in bed, just over an hour of that having been spent lying awake, leg bouncing even as he lay in the dark room. He wasn’t certain what he was more concerned about – having nightmarish flashbacks in his sleep, or the possibility that he may end up dreaming about the android in the other room. It wouldn’t be a first for either of those things, but one of them bothered him far more with the knowledge of Nines proximity.

His answer came when he bolted upright in bed, tufts of hair plastered to his forehead with cold sweat, heart rate pushed even higher than the caffeine had already done during the day, breaths coming in short bursts as his eyes darted around the room – looking for that glass bottle that he was certain was about to be thrown his way.

Light filtered in from the living room as the door opened, the silhouetted figure of someone stood in the door way. Gavin was pretty sure they said something. He was too busy looking for something to defend himself to hear.

_Raise your arms. Hide in a corner. Be small. Curl up and hope the kicks don’t hit the bruises that are still there. Wait, no. That wasn’t right, I’m not a ten year old kid anymore. I’m a cop, I have a gun, I can defend myself. Just need to get back, get away, get distance, get-_

He was blindly fumbling around at the side of the bed, trying to recall where the fuck he left his firearm when the figure came to a stop in front of him and dropped down low and grasped Gavin’s wrists firm enough to still his fumbling, but also gentle. Far gentler than _that_ particular foster father, softer than that. _No it wasn’t him, it wasn’t-_

“Gavin,” The tone was smooth and gentle, almost calming. Gavin stopped darting his eyes around the room and instead focused on the source of the voice, on the icy blue light that hovered there in the dark, “Gavin, it was a nightmare. It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you.” The voice continued to shush soothingly as Gavin came down from the fear that had gripped him and began to put the previous night together in his mind. An immeasurable amount of time passed with quiet shushing being the only sound before Gavin could finally connect the dots and realise who was there.

“Nines?”

“Back with me again, I see.” Gavin could hear the slightest of smiles in the tone but he could only barely see the slight glint of light on teeth in the darkness of the room.

“Phck.” His eye still felt heavy and itchy, still exhausted, but with the tension in his muscles he knew he would have a hard time getting any more rest now.

“Eloquent as ever. Your heartrate is greatly increased, you appear to have experienced a nightmare.”

“Yeah, no shit, Nines. This is why I didn’t want to fucking sleep. Shit.” Nines was still knelt on the floor and holding Gavin’s wrists. He attempted to shake off the android’s hands as he swung his legs around to get out of bed, it was to little avail, as Nines seemed adamant to keep a hold of him. “Mind letting me the fuck out of bed, plastic prick?” There was no real negative feeling in the name anymore, he had stopped using it directly as an insult a month or so ago, “I need some fucking coffee to keep me awake after that.”

“You have had only an hour of sleep at best, you should get more rest.”

“And have shitty dreams? How about no. Why the fuck are you even here, anyway? Why’s it matter to you whether I fucking sleep?” Gavin struggled against Nines hands until they released. Gavin shuffled back slightly, still feeling tense and jittery from his nightmare, some part of him still screaming that he should be on edge, expect an attack, expect something to take advantage of how he couldn’t see in the light and cause him harm.

“It matters because I am concerned about you. You- your performance at work has been-“

“Should have fucking figured you were bothered about work shit, you’re as bad as Fowler.”

“I am not just here because I am your work partner, even if you have been of little use on the case recently-“ Gavin scoffed at the androids candour, “I am worried about your health. You must sleep at some point. I would prefer it be while I was present, so I know you are alright.” Gavin wished he could see Nines face better to get an idea of whether he really was worried or it was just a lie. Both him and his doppelganger were only ever bothered about completing their damned missions, closing cases. Gavin doubted that Nines concern ran any deeper than that. Gavin opened his mouth to fire back a harsh comment about something or other but the words died on his lips as he only half saw movement at the side of his face in the darkness before a cool hand came to rest on his head, pushing back damp hair. “I can see you doubting me, but I am not lying. Please, sleep, for your health. And my peace of mind.”

“Yeah, as if I’m gonna fucking calm down enough to-”

For the second time, words died on his lips, as Nines lifted his hand ever so slightly and pulled it back so he could begin a repetitive stroking of Gavin’s hair. He felt the tension in his muscles ease at the action, feeling his shoulders drop and his mind quiet. He released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding.

“That calmed you down.” Nines sounded mildly confused by his own observation, hand hesitating and freezing in place. Gavin wanted to complain.

_No, I can’t complain, that’s the same as asking him to keep going. That’s crossing a fucking line! I can’t fucking sit and let an android fucking pet me to sleep like I’m the fucking cats!_

_Or I could be selfish?_

“Well no shit, don’t fucking stop doing it then.”

Nines hummed slightly in response, and fuck Gavin really wished he could actually see the android’s expressions. He may not be the most emotive but somewhere along the way in their partnership at the DPD he had learnt to read even the subtle facial expressions Nines displayed. “Move over a little, perhaps I can help you sleep.”

_Remember that fucking line? This is it, this isn’t just crossing it – this is fucking vaulting over it!_

He moved over nonetheless, the mattress dipping as Nines sat down, back leaning against the headboard, legs stretched before him and one hand still in Gavin’s hair. _This won’t end well, Nines’ll figure it out. Figure out I’m fucking attracted to him. Figure out-_ _Fuck it_. He shifted clumsily in order to lean into Nines side, blaming his extraordinary lack of impulse control and common sense on exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Nines, for better or worse, made no complaint at the action, instead shifting to accommodate it as Gavin hid his face in Nines shirt as the repetitive stroking fingers in his hair resumed.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Gavin murmered under his breath, quiet and scorning himself. He didn’t really expect the android to answer.

“Question it after you have rested. I’ll be here to wake you up if you have another nightmare.”

They didn’t talk again after that, and Gavin found himself falling asleep quickly, lulled by the warmth (who knew androids were warm?) of Nines.

 

* * *

 

When he jolted awake again the fear wasn’t as paralysing as before. From the moment he opened his eyes he was aware of the warmth that surrounded him and the welcome weight of arms holding him, and the soothing murmurs of Nines voice that he recognised instantly.

“You came out of it quicker this time.” Gentle and factual.

“Guess so.” Gavin couldn’t find the words to give any more of a reply, instead leaving it at that. He was huddled in closer the Nines than he had been when he fell asleep, now having one of his arms wrapped around Nines waist. _Why the fuck was he allowing this?_ “You must really be pissed about my productivity at work if you’re letting me hug you while I sleep.”

A slight bitterness clung to his words, he really would prefer it if what he was saying were untrue, would prefer the idea that Nines was actually there for a reason like he said before. He couldn’t just take that at face value though. So he left Nines an out in his words, something that Nines could agree to easily that would let Gavin know to write off their proximity as Nines dedication to his job.

“I’m more pissed at the fact that I’ve told you numerous times that I am concerned about _you_ and yet you refuse to accept it.”

So much for the out. The closeness of them hit Gavin like a brick suddenly. Cuddled up, in his bed, in what must have been the early morning, Nines still running his fingers through Gavin’s hair as they spoke in hushed voices as if not to disturb the peace and atmosphere of the morning. It all felt so fucking domestic and painful, because Gavin hadn’t felt his close to anyone in he life. But fuck if that part of Gavin that wanted this closeness with Nines to be for romantic reasons on both their parts didn’t also cause pain.  Because that wouldn’t happen. Nines couldn’t be there for Gavin like that. That thought hurt.

“I’m here because I want to be.”

 “Why?”

“Because I care about you.” Nines stated factually, as if it was blatantly obvious. “It hurt me to see you the way you’ve been recently. I felt I needed to do something to help.” And that felt like the nail in the fucking coffin. The pain from an unrequited need to _be closer_ was near unbearable and – and just fuck it. Worst case scenario, Nines hated him and they could pretend this never happened, go back to normal.

Gavin surged up, the hand in his hair fell away at the sudden movement as he was grabbing for Nines collar and fumbling in the dark, other hand finding Nines jaw to use as a reference. He pressed their lips together. Clumsy, and perhaps a little rough and needy because apparently sleeping on the android of Gavin’s few and far between good dreams made Gavin throw all caution out of the window like that.

Nines seemed frozen, making no movements, no attempt to return the kiss. And suddenly the reality of how shit an idea that had been crashed down on Gavin like a ton of bricks. He pulled back suddenly, laying his hands on Nines’ chest to hold him upright and out of Nines face.

“Phck. Nines, I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have-”

Nines didn’t let him finish the sentence, fingers tangling into Gavin’s hair and pulling Gavin back down and into a second kiss, softer and sweet, even with the insistent pressure of Nines hand on the back of Gavin’s head that made it clear that he didn’t want Gavin to leave. Gavin didn’t complain. He had dreamt about kissing Nines before, and had always woken up slightly disturbed at himself for it. He didn’t feel that now. He didn’t feel any clawing thoughts warning him that he was making a mistake, or to be careful, to be on edge for danger. Instead his usually racing thoughts had nothing to complain about, instead leaving Gavin revelling in the moment and allowing time to pass around them until his lungs burned with the need for oxygen. He could almost hear a faint grunt of annoyance from Nines at the loss. They sat, Gavin half on top of Nines at this point, foreheads pressed together for a few moments as Gavin took deep breaths.

“You actually mean it don’t you? You really were concerned?”

“Yes,” it came out as a breathy laugh, “I do not make a habit of lying to you, Gavin. We can talk about this in the morning. You still need rest.”

For the first time in days, Gavin realised he wasn’t anxious about the dreams and memories that haunted his mind, as Nines guided them both down to lie on the mattress. Gavin ensured to keep a handful of Nines shirt within his grasp as they manoeuvred around eachother into a comfortable position. He was loath the let go of the android, as if he may disappear.

“I’ll be here when you wake.” The statement may have seemed an obvious one since Gavin was practically on top of the android’s solid form and Nines would have trouble getting out from underneath him without waking Gavin. And yet, it was still a soothing one, soothing enough that Gavin felt he could loosen his death grip on Nines shirt, soothing enough that as he laid down his head against Nines chest and could hear a faint thud in there – Gavin found himself for the first time in years not afraid of the dreams that awaited him in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup. Sorry about the wait, as it is I spent the whole week in a sleep deprived, shitty state of mind and I just had zero motivation to do freaking anything. But, got it finished now. Got a decent night of sleep two days ago and I'm back to normal - until next time it happens of course. Oh well.   
> Anyway, I do hope you liked this fic of me pushing my personal issues and insomnia and nightmares and shit onto Gavin. If I'm honest I could probably write a whole long fic about these two, I have enough set out in my head about how I imagined Gavin's backstory for this. But that's an issue for another day. A day AFTER I finish my current WIP for HankCon which like the three people who like it have been waiting weeks for an update on. 
> 
> PS - for anyone curious, Gavin's cats were called Menes and Thulu. Both are Lovecraft references. Menes is the name of a boy in the story The Cats of Ulthar who had no parents and no one in his life but he did have a small black kitten. When added to the orphan background I so kindly gave Gavin, I couldn't help it. And Thulu is far less meaningful and far more simple. Cat-Thulu. Cthulu. There you go, that's my level of shitty humour.   
> Goodnight folks, Sweet Nightmares to you all, Hope you enjoyed. - Lyss <3


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